its definitely gonna rain anytime now. dont even have to feel the wind or look at the red sky to know its gonna rain cause i can hear the neighbour's door slamming, papers flying, the wind blowing, the thunder rumbling and somebody's car alarm going off.

the car alarm is getting irritating.



anyways, i cant sleep. hahha. aiyoh its so cold. really. but i like. lol.



and pappy's feeling moody. hahaha. cause that silly girl is afraid of thunder. hahaa.



whatever i'm gonna type next is just some random ramblings from today.

some parent created a scene at MC today. one of my colleauge's students mum was throwing tantrums, shouting and screaming embrassing herself like anything on a sunday morning. shame on her man. the ENTIRE shop could hear her shouts lah. i could hear everything she said so clearly through the door. hello?? this is a music school leh. not some coffeeshop.

and a few days ago while i was at JE's foodcourt w shihui i found a cockroach flat like dont know what in my yong tau hu. and the worst thing was i was halfway through my food alr before i saw that disgusting thing. my brain froze for a moment i couldnt think man. couldnt even talk properly. i felt like just puking everything out lah. cant imagine it was swimming in my noodles. urgh. not gonna eat yong tau hu anytime soon. thank god shihui was there to complain to the aunty and the lady returned me the money. so horrible. then we went to ntuc and bought my fav strawberry HL milk. haha. then along the aisle the staff were clearing stock and everything, so they were sweeping the floors and moving boxes around, then shihui saw a COCKROACH being swept into the dustpan and then we decided to flee the scene. and then we decided it was a public holiday for the cockroaches thats why they were all roaming about. haha.


ee so disgusting. everytime i eat out now i cant help but the image of the flatten cockroach would always come to my mind. so damn disgusting lah. cockroaches everywhere. needa kill them.


ok enough. i'm gonna go sleep. its raining heavily now. hopefully it'll stop before dawn breaks or else darling's just gonna be riding in the downpour tomorrow morning. so slippery and dangerous lah. he should ride a tut tut. haha. kidding.



oh yes. kit's chalet last fri was wonderful. had A LOT of fun. will upload the pics hopefully by next week. hahaha. pls wait patiently. lol.


alrights. nites pple. manyloves.

yes yes yes! i've finally finished reading through all the notes!!



and they finally released bf results! HAHA.



and i'm gonna call ms shihui and remind her to go and bathe soon so she wont be late and then we're gonna go shop for mr karkit's bday present!! hahaha. yays. gonna see ee gongs in 5 hours time.



MANYLOVES!!! i missed them all so damn much.










and i miss darling so much so much too ))=

i just had to vomit that chunk of lyrics out. i dont know what song is it. it has been singing in my brain for the longest time. i only know its some disney song. haha.



anyways, life has been like this: _________________

stagnant/monotone/blank like anything.




needa spice my life up a little. haha.

for now only gav, and some equally cranky people like shihui can crack me up.

shihui saw the doggy pic with a heartshape coat one on my msn and suggested to buy RED paint and stencil a heartshape on pappy. then i dont want red. then she suggested PINK. hahahaha. i was ok with it lah. but then i told her my dad will kill me first then kill her second. haha.





i feel the sudden urge to need to get out of my house. cause i suddenly feel suffocated. *choke choke*


needa go breathe some air outside and talk to people. or else i'm just gonna i dont know. turn mental maybe? hahha.



anyways ya. i feel a little pmsy. i feel agitated. hahaha. and i'm gonna go study with shihui at 10am tmr. so i'll wake up at 8am!! and hopefully we can meet at like 9 plus. hahaha. and i hope we dont see anything that we're not supposed to see again and make us all distracted. i dont want another exciting library trip. needa CONCENTRATE. i needa feel stressed!! i dont feel stressed at all. at least not to breaking point. either that or i'm too stressed till i cant feel anything. but i suspect its not the latter. where is that feeling when we were rushing the dc project?? that adreline that helps to get work done swiftly and effciently?? i remember that is how breaking point feels like. you'd get everything done by hook or by crook.



i read bb notes all over again today and tried to remember as much as i can but i seriously dont think it can stay in my long term memory so i'll just have to read and read and read and read cause the notes says that repeating the message helps to make pple remember things. so i'm just gonna read and read again. i read a little of dc too and i understand why shihui hates dc. i hate it too. we swear its the most boring and dry subject ever other than accounts.

and i wonder when is bf results ever gonna be released??? its taking forever. and i wonder whats taking them so long to post it up. is it because there were too many failures??? sighs. pls i really hope i'll get a min pass. somehow i just cant study in peace without knowing the results. argh. bf was the worst test i've ever done in my entire life. its crazy when you know everything but cant place it anywhere and theres just so much more i feel like i've not written and i can remember all the damn theory but i just dont know where to put the answers in. 6 essay questions in 2 hrs. i pray ob isnt gonna be like that. i'd just die. die like theres no tomorrow.




hahaha. i love shihui to the max. she's always able to lift my spirits and make me laugh for all the things that she says. we'd always have so much fun when we're together. cause of all the stupid things that we do ((=







i havent seen my love for the longest time ever.

hhmmm. i have to say this.


i so need to go shopping.


but no shopping till exams are over. just 3 more weeks!!! hahahaa. oh man. tts a long time. but its ok. i have shihui and jiajia going thru this torture with me. hahahaah.

ok lah. dont know why i feel so excited. cause maybe bf agreed to let me doll him up. hahahahaha. he's such a sweetie pie. he bought me a pink pen cause my old one spoilt alr. hahahaa. thanks darling. many loves. ((=


shihui, jiajia... jia you for this three weeks ok?? we'll go have fun, shop and chill till we spoil ourselves crazy ((=


so i am saving money right now.. month end is nearing!! and so is our paycheque coming in!! wheeet.


and i found out that a lot of my students have yet to pay their fees. ARGH. this is infuriating. cause it means that i wont get paid ))=

so evil. i'm gonna sms them to remind them to pay up by this wed.


so many occassions. birthdays and farewells. so many pressies to give. so many celebrations. lijia n gang wanted to have dinner at changi yesterday cause jem's going army on fri. but i couldnt join them lah. a little too last min to decide. hehe. sorry lijia. was really too far even though you'd be driving.


gonna go for kit's bday chalet with ee gongs this fri ((= ooooh. so happy!!! many loves.


jean's farewell dinner next next tues. gonna miss that girl so much. MC's gonna be quiet w/o her burps and farts. haha. kidding. i meant her jokes and laughters ((=


met qian last evening cause she happened to be in westmall promoting some anlene stuffs. they had dinner.. sat and chatted for a while then she and her bf came over to my house to play with pappy.


sweetheart.. lets go visit spanky after our exams in dec k?? i miss spanky. he's such a big boy now.



what a busy month. exams being the greatest cause of it. cant wait for 9th nov.





alrights. enough of rants. its time to go study.


many loves.

hello happiness
where have you been?
you came and left
so abruptly

hello happiness
it was nice having you here
cause you drove away my fear

hello happiness
come back again soon
cause now i see the dark clouds loom



nwonknu tfel retteb era sgniht emos

picturessss time!!!!


am uploading pics to photobucket. so might as well upload some pictures here cause this blog seems so dead w/o pictures. hahaa


so below consist of pictures with gav's friends, jem's bday and dinner with jia, sh n the SIM mates ((=


edit:
oops. couldnt upload the pics with sh, jia n the SIM mates. dont know why. hahaa.

24 hours a day may seem like its not enough, but we cant belittle the amount of things that can happen during that 24 hours.


its just been 3 or 4 days since my last entry and so many things have changed 180 degress and changed back again.


its just been 3 days that gav and me had minor hiccups in our r/s that might have cost us dearly. but all is well now and love is sweeter than ever. i love him deeply. i love him for all the efforts that he puts in, i love him for all the little things that he does, i love him for taking care of me, i love him for loving me.


i'm not forgetting my friends. and quoting from lijia, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" - 1 Corinthians 10:13


buddy buddy, you know how much you and the gang means to me.


anyways, met up with sweetheart's friends for lunch and kbox yesterday.

lunch was sakura buffet which was a disappointment and i'd never go back there again. because firstly, they were playing horrible music. secondly, the food kinda sucked. and thirdly, its totally so not worth the money.

the only thing that made up for the sucky food, atmosphere and prices was the company we had. sweetheart has nice friends who has crazy and fun girlfriends and i always enjoy my time around them. we took many crazy pictures, most of it taken by the courtesy of my lovee ((=


after which we sang kbox at cine w/o vicky n jj cause they had a movie to catch at 4pm. was a pity cause it would have been a lot more fun with them around.. but its ok i'm sure there'll be another chance some other day ((=


so its just me n sweetheart and kelvin n shirley, we played arcade and i really give up on that photohunt thing. we would game over in less than perhaps 5 minutes and i dont remember getting past the 3rd picture cause theres no help function!!!! not fair!! hahaa.


then we took neoprints!!! with kelvin and shirley!! hahaha. and it was FUN. how long was it ago since the last time i took neoprints man. the pictures were pretty and we all looked happyyy!! ((=


after that we took a bus to PS to meet the MC peeps to celebrate jem's bday at manhatten!! flo wasnt able to join us cause she had some personal stuff to attend to. and again, its such a pity because the MC peeps havent been meeting in full attendence for a long time alr and now we have a new member!!! hahaha. which is gavian lah. and i'm so glad everyone had so much laughters and fun. took many spastic pictures of jeremy because he's always posing damn retardedly lah. steph was so sweet to plan the dinner and preorder a elmo cake specially for him. and during dinner jo was as usual, laughing nonstop and so LOUDLY. hahaha. all in all, we had a wonderful laughter filled dinner ((=


finally booked my basic driving theory test with shirley in the early morning today with kelvin's help. and while i was at bbdc i also helped ms pig soh shihui to top up her acct. many loves to sweetheart for waking up to wake me up. thanks sweetie. i love you.

initially i had wanted to blog on the other private blog. so i went to read some of the posts and suddenly i just felt like i couldnt relate to that life anymore.

and i know the reason why.

the reason is because at that time gavian and SIM wasnt in my life yet.

and it had just been a few months and its changed so much.

so i probably wont be blogging there anymore. haha.


anyways, project's almost done. almost. just a little bit more. left parts to edit and compile and there goes the last of this sem's projects. i cant say i miss school because i dont really miss it all that much. but i do miss jiajia n shihui a lot.

i miss the times when i'd have weekend dates with jiajia. somehow we just drifted after i knew gavian. and it was inevitable.

i'm glad i can still feel like connection between me and shihui although it is not as strong as before anymore. and this is again, inevitable.

i had drifted from lijia and gang too. from kimmy too. and from my SIM mates. and i miss lijia and gang a lot. another reason why i drifted from them is because they all went army too. i miss vicki tekwani too. he's a good friend n advisor although an extremely effective irritant. i dont know why but he irritates the hell outta me all the time. i miss talking to marcus yue for he has gone to thailand for a month i wonder how is he doing over there. i miss the two guys in ee gongs. for they are part of the wonderful memories i had in poly. for all the laughters and smiles and all the happy days we've had. i just love them like family. maybe zhihong may protest otherwise but i think deep down he loves us too. hahaa.

i'm glad the only thing that hasnt changed much is my relationship with the MC people. which i dont know why. haha. i'm glad i'd always have florence, joanna, jean and jeremy to talk to. i hardly see steph but its always nice to have her around in MC and she's part of the MC family.

tracy and qian hui has been missing for as long as i can remember. and its just so sad. i miss qian hui more because somehow we still have this connection between us held together by the memories we have of each other. somehow i cant connect with tracy anymore. but its ok, i still love her and i'd still hope to catch up with her one day for she, kim and qian would always hold a special place in my heart.

jieying too has gone missing for a long time which i cant get her back. all i can do is wish you well. the decision is yours whatever that i could do or could have helped i think i've done it already.

just met up with huimin and vincent for lunch today. and all is well for us. i love you babe ((=

another person that i truly missed and have been thinking about is charmaine lim. haha. how many of you actually remember her?? lol. its been so long. but she was a good friend i'd never forget and i hope to see her soon.

tkd is just out of my life for now. all that remains are some friendships i have with people like marcus and weiping. lol.

and gavian needs to know that my love for him is unlike the love i have for all mentioned above. the love i have for him is a love that speaks straight to my heart which makes me tear because its too strong an emotion it makes me weak. and i just love him. i have nothing else to say except that i'm sorry and i love you very much.

its been a weekend spent at home.

had a nice long chat wth huimin on the phone yesterday. i miss you babe. we'll meet up on tues for lunch as planned k?? ((=

was chatting with shihui online today as well. haha. we were just randomly chatting about stuffs.. kpoing others as usual. hahaa.

and all these idle chats, tho simple and normal, is what friendship is all about. its a blessing to be able to have them around catching up, sharing, talking about serious stuffs, school work and all other nonsensical stuffs with me.

as i was looking at joelyn's blog earlier, i saw the pictures we took during lijia's birthday and i cant help but feel nostalgic cause its amazing to think back and know that we've all come so far and we're still able to hang around, meetup and stick around for each other. although i dont see them as often as the gang meet up with each other, but it would always be nice meeting up with them and feeling like the good old times.



and all mentioned are people in my comfort zone. can't feel anymore blessed than i already am with them as friends. and they are all i ever need. i think. when all else fails me i'd still have them for they have no reason to leave me. hahaha.

i am just thankful for them lah. theres nothing more i can ask for from them. they have always been there and always will be. and i love them this way that i've always loved.



and of course not forgetting my sweetheart. he makes up another part of me that friends cant possibly be. i love him much and he makes me realise love in another way. this love is not as simple as how i'd love my friends. i realised this love requires a big heart. this love is all about a lot of acceptance, knowingness, understanding, trust and honesty. this love is what turns my world right side up. this love is what leads my world. this love can only be shared among the two of us. this love is vunerable.



i am gonna faint. my mom just bought a oven home and i didnt realise.

my plans are like forever changing. my days appear routined, but minor details are always changing for example me and shihui can decide to meet and then decide to not meet within a span of 10 minutes. and i can decide to go school and then decide not to within like a second. haha. so to make a decision only takes a second. and sometimes that second will determine what you're gonna do for that many hours that come after or it could even determine something for a lifetime. anyways is it me or is it normal to keep changing your mind??? anyways my grammer is like shit now. my phrasing and everything is like shit too. someone pls tuition me english.

my mood is like shit. i am tired like shit cause i woke up in pain early in the morning and it took me so long to get back to sleep and i woke up sweating at 12.30pm and then proceeded to call shihui and woke her up and called darling and after which i went to bathe and shihui told me she's coming to bb the weather is so hot its crazy and then i went up to mc to collect my student's cert and had lunch there and then i was so tired but comfortable i just didnt wanna move and i decided not to go sch anymore cause i know if i stand up i'm just gonna feel sick all over again and then i dicussed with jean and ros about payrise and how to go about telling boss oh shit i just gotta throw away some pride and ask nicely for a 5% rise which is surprising a big amount for me and i so want that 5% but i'm afraid to ask but i have to do it cause its 'ask and you shall be given' but its so difficult for me to open my mouth and ask but i'm gonna do it anyways with a bit of toughened skin for my own goodness sake.


so yeah. and i'm back home trying to squeeze some brain juices out for the BF proj but i cant seem to squeeze any and ended up writing this whole chunk of brainless rattle that goes on and on. sighs. i feel so light headed i cant seem to get any solid work done. someone pls wake me up or give me some energy booster. i dont even wanna think about whats gonna happen during the weekends cause i cant seem to define or think properly a purpose and i feel tired having to think about things that i shouldnt be thinking about but i cant help it because the root of it comes from home and i'm home more than ever since school has sort of unofficially ended.


i'm just doing too much rubbish. like such a waste of time. so enough of bull shitting its time to get back to doing some work.

if we follow and live life this way, would we find more happiness living life??

maybe not. but i think life would definitely be more purposeful and well lived. no matter if things that represented those golf balls fails us, at least we would have learnt and lived life knowing what are the true treasures in life. that is why life seems to be empty when there are problems with family, friends and when you are too busy to do the things that you enjoy doing.


i think we would always try to make the golf balls, our loved ones, the things that we love most that money CANNOT buy, our priority. And the pebbles are all that the things we love that money CAN buy. and often we mix the two up and forget what is more important to make us whole.


what money cant buy me is my family, my friends, pappy, my love for piano and gavian. they do make my life whole and i dont want them missing or else i'd be empty again.

but perhaps emptiness is part of living and at some point in life we gotta have those empty places in your heart to remind us of the golf balls in our life. when that happens, i think only time can heal for as time passes someone will fill up that empty place in our heart but the memories will never be gone for they stay in our minds.

1. NEED TO FIND A JOB!!!!
2. Popeye's chicken, fries, mash potato...
3. IKEA's meatballs and chicken wings!
4. McGriddles!
5. Crystal jade's dim sum!
6. SASHIMI!!!!!
7. ENOUGH OF CNY GOODIES!!!!!!!!

1. More quality time w darling
2. Meet ee gongs more often
3. Buy my eel wallet. haha.
4. Repair my piano
5. Get my car license
6. GET A JOB!!!

Darling
Tracy [FMSS]
Qian Hui [FMSS]
Lijia [FMSS]
Jeremy [FMSS]
Shi Hui [NYP]
Jia Jia [NYP]
Huimin [NYP]
Joanna [MC]

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