.Friday, November 21, 2008 ' 9:36 pm Y
hand in hand we go
as i've mentioned before i have been dutifully tidying my room, clearing rubbish away and by rubbish i think its more like old stuffs i've been keeping for memories sake.
now that i've got a clearer idea of what i want in life, the directions that i wanna take, as well as know who are the impt pple in my life, know which group of pple are passé, it is so much easier to leave memories from the past behind. and leaving them behind means throwing away stuffs i used to keep dear and close to me heart.
but i cant help but be saddened by the reality of what used-to-be precious memories now insignificant and vague.
i never liked reading old letters and they always bring back such strong emotions that i had long forgotten how it feels to feel them.
were childhood memories meant to be forgotten? i dont know about others, but mine is kinda painful to keep. they were too happy to be remembered.
i was happy because i had a group of friends i shared my up and and downs with. not now anymore.
i was happy because they meant the world to me. not now anymore.
we used to share everything, spent everyday other than weekends together, went through so much together and i'm amazed how impalpable all these has become now. even memories of them had faded away. i dont remember much of them myself.
it means nothing now, no more significant, unimportant. the pple have also faded with the memories.
i, as well as them, have been too involved with our own lives to bother about how an old friend is doing.
look at how curt our messages are now, how unimportant we have become in each other's lives. i feel as though we dont even know how to speak and communicate with each other anymore. in fact, we dont. in fact, the only reason why we remember one another is because we spent damn too many significant years in each other's lives and its not so easy to erase that familarity of each other's presence.
truth is, we are no more than aquaintances now. i dont even know them anymore. we'll just keep moving on like how we did, till one day we dont even remember each other's brithdays anymore.
perhaps, the 21st birthdays will be the last we'd ever wish one another.
this feeling will pass. no point missing them, missing the good ol' times. i will be done with tidying soon and i'm gonna keep all the memories and letters in some obscure corner which i never ever have to dig them up again or best, throw them away if i can bring myself to.
im so disappointed with all of them. you girls are so selfish. i dont even know if you still miss me and others like how i missed all of you.
